By Christopher Wharton, PhD
It’ll probably come as no surprise that couplehood and money go hand in hand. When we enter into a long-term relationship, whether marriage or any other committed situation, how each individual handles money – and how a couple manages household finances together – becomes vitally important.
Even so, it might not seem like a lot of fun to think of our relationship in financial terms. Love and devotion ought to rise above the logistics of how we spend and save. But research tells us that romance is inextricably tied to money. It can be strengthened or weakened (perhaps even destroyed) depending on how couples work together to deal with expenses, savings, debt, and other issues. In fact, the perceived mismatch in spending habits within married couples, in particular the perception by one person that their partner spends money frivolously, is a powerful predictor of divorce. It ranks third behind infidelity and alcohol or drug abuse.
The opposite is also true. Although differences in spending and saving habits within couples can be problematic, confluence of those habits can strengthen a partnership. So much so that it is often less important how much money a couple makes and more important how couples work together to make use of whatever they have.
With all this information pointing to the importance of a sound fiscal foundation for a sound relationship, it would make a lot of sense for couples to be more deliberate about co-financial planning. But often they aren’t. And that’s because we live in a society in which discussing money is generally taboo.
My wife and I have always communicated well about money. But when we started thinking longer-term, trying to decide how to align our money with our priorities, it became harder. When no one talks about their money, it’s very hard to know what approach might be best as a couple.
So we created our own model. We first decided what our goals were as a couple, what we wanted to do in life, and what we hoped to provide for our kids. We also thought through our values: to be more environmentally sustainable, to purchase products and services in ethical ways, and to live a less consumerism-driven life. Then we critically reviewed what we spent and saved to see if our financial behaviors aligned with our beliefs and goals.
Once we did that, spending and saving decisions became easier. Differences in financial opinion were minimized. And our relationship grew stronger as a result.
Seeing the power in this, we decided to start our own podcast called Matrimoney. In it, we are completely open about what we earn, what we spend, what we save, and what challenges we face. We hope that by breaking the taboo of talking about money, other couples will have a resource for how real-world partners not only work through money decisions but plan for the life they want to lead.
Learn more at loveandmatrimoney.com
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Dr. Christopher Wharton is an associate professor in the School of Nutrition and Health Promotion at Arizona State University. He is also founding director of the Food Systems Transformation Initiative in the Julie Ann Wrigley Global Institute of Sustainability. Dr. Wharton studies issues of the food environment, consumer food choice and health behavior change.
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