By Tishin Donkersley, M.A.

How do men and women handle stress differently?

• Women become overwhelmed while men lose motivation.
• Oxytocin lowers stress for women; communicating feelings releases oxytocin.
• Testosterone lowers stress for men; solving problems, or forgetting them, releases testosterone.
• Women’s brains are hardwired to have emotional reactions.
• Men’s brains are designed to become less emotional in order to take action.

What role do hormones play?

Women are drawn to situations that stimulate the release of oxytocin.  Putting herself in nurturing situations releases oxytocin and decreases her stress levels.  By receiving support in nurturing situations, she is able to rebuild oxytocin levels.  This cycle of giving and receiving support permeates the life of a woman who successfully copes with stress.

How can men best cope with stress?

Men need down time.  Relaxing helps men build testosterone levels, which helps relieve stress.

What are some common mistakes couples make while handling stress?

Misinterpreting differences is a major source of stress.

What do people need to have a healthy mind and body?

The answer is in our hormones.  Hormones powerfully affect what we think and feel.  Moods have been shown to be directly related to hormone levels.  An estimated one in five Americans is dependent on stress-managing medication to help cope with life stressors.  This dependence is the direct consequence of our failure to support our body’s health and well-being.

What are common ways couples inadvertently stress each other out?

• Men reduce stress by offering solutions to problems. Women reduce stress by talking about feelings.  This Mars/Venus collision creates unnecessary fights.
• He minimizes the problem and unknowingly minimizes her feelings.
• While expressing her feelings, she gives him the message she doesn’t trust his point of view.
• She often asks questions, then shares feelings and expects him to empathize with her feelings.
• He expects her to appreciate his point of view.

How does an individual handling stress well lead to longevity?

Eating super foods allows our brains to more effectively regulate our stress response.  With the right fuel, it only takes a few changes in our relationships and lifestyles to create a lifetime of health and happiness.

Sufficient sleep is one of the most important factors for effectively coping with stress.  The amount of sleep, quality of sleep and time you go to bed make a difference.    Ideally, I recommend sleeping from 10 PM to 7 AM.

How does understanding how to deal with stress lead to longevity?

• Steady blood sugar levels prevent spikes in cortisol, the stress hormone, which prevents adrenal burnout and promotes the production of healthy hormones.
• Relationships and our health are directly related.
• Stress inhibits healthy hormone production, which causes sugar cravings.

How does proper diet and nutrition help couples with their stress?  What super foods do you recommend?

• Healthy blood sugar levels provide fuel to make feel-good brain chemicals like dopamine, serotonin and endorphins.
• Super foods are rich in amino acids, good fats, vitamins, minerals and medicinal phytochemicals.
• Eating too many processed foods creates blood sugar fluctuations. Additionally, sugar has been added to processed foods, making them less nutritious.
• Stabilizing blood sugar is the key to balancing hormones.

SUPER FOODS

• Maca powder, derived from a Peruvian root, is known to lower stress levels and increase hormone production.  Maca can help relieve hot flashes in women and increase libido in men.
• Research in China has shown that Goji berries help stabilize blood sugar.
• Cacao nibs are a pure source of chocolate rich in magnesium and iron.  Like Goji berries, cacao nibs are a super-concentrated source of antioxidants.
• Açai berries are known to increase energy levels without the side effects of caffeine.
• Molasses is a good alternative that contains all of the minerals that are stripped away from processed refined sugars.
• Coconut oil stimulates the body to burn fat.

What are some of the simplest ways busy couples can effectively handle stress?

Understanding ways men and women cope with stress on a physical hormonal level frees us from feeling hopeless, or even worse, taking our partner’s actions and reactions personally.

Women commonly ask, “How can he just sit there and watch TV when the house is a mess?”

Answer: Men seek out the couch or an easy chair after a stressful day because relaxing helps rebuild testosterone levels.  He may not even notice the mess.

Men commonly ask, “Why does she always want to talk about her day?  Even worse, why does she want me to talk about my day?”

Answer: Women seek out nurturing activities as a way to rebuild oxytocin levels.
Listening  to her will help rebuild these levels.

For more advice from Dr. John Gray, visit www.MarsVenus.com.