BY SHELBY TUTTLE
The traditional image of masculinity is evolving. Outdated notions of manhood are becoming obsolete, making way for a more nuanced and compassionate understanding of what it means to be a good man. Below, a diverse collection of viewpoints from gents around the Valley offers a refreshing look at modern masculinity. From these 10 perspectives, reflections converge on themes of cultivating self-love as a foundation for genuine connection; actively challenging outdated, rigid themes, and embracing a profound love and responsibility for others.
Yet, while this more expansive and compassionate understanding of manhood is gaining traction, it faces resistance from those who, perhaps out of fear of losing traditional power or identity, cling to antiquated viewpoints. Through these insights, we can see that this evolution is not actually a dismantling of masculinity, but a celebration of its potential for love, empathy, and authentic strength that comes from within.
DEREK HICKS, 41, SALES MANAGER
There are so many recent examples of loud, toxic, immature manhood that berate and degrade women or those different from them. Healthy, mature masculinity means being able to show respect for others without feeling compromised in your own manhood. It means showing up with emotional maturity to support your partner and kids and being able to ask for support when needed. It means seeking to understand and not judge during conflict, admitting when you’re wrong, and taking accountability for your actions. Good men stand for what’s right but are open to new ideas and concepts and can agree to disagree with kindness and compassion.
COLTON TUTTLE, 33, GOLF PROFESSIONAL
I think being a good man means acting from a place of honesty, integrity, and kindness to others. It’s important to stand up for your beliefs but also never to be too proud to be wrong. I also believe that you can make it far in this world simply by showing up and being kind.
STEPHEN JONES, 46, CHEF/OWNER OF THE LARDER & THE DELTA
For me, being a good man starts, first and foremost, with being a good human being and embodying the qualities of humility, compassion, and respect. It also begins with being good to oneself. Learning to love and respect yourself, to understand your worth, and to stand with pride and conviction are essential. Self-love, in this context, isn’t selfish; it’s the bedrock upon which we build the ability to show genuine love, compassion, and humility towards others. My priority is to make sure my boys understand that it’s okay to express their feelings, to be vulnerable, and to use their voices. I want to instill in them the importance of leadership and unwavering respect for women and for themselves.
JOE GRASSIA, 77, RETIRED CO-OWNER OF AN ARTIST COLLECTIVE
In the twilight of my life, I regret not having fully explored love to the extent of what I now understand it to be. My world was limited with unnecessary boundaries I put in place for myself, my family, and friends. As a society, we have become so timid and withhold love from ourselves and others. We close ourselves off so as to not feel pain or suffering, but that prevents us from truly connecting with those around us. Being a good man is about leading with an open heart — asking how we can provide love and comfort to others and being open to receiving love ourselves.
MICHAEL BREECHER, 45, SOFTWARE ENGINEER
I am the father of three boys and want nothing more than to help them grow up to be strong, smart, and fearless men. I think that strength comes from strong support at home in nurturing the natural feelings they express, in addition to fostering a healthy respect for boundaries. Being a good man also means showing up for my relationship by sharing the responsibilities of raising kids and running a household. Finally, being a good man is about considering the rest of humanity. There’s a natural myopic tendency of people to focus on their own problems and ignore those of others, but investing in your community and its people is what makes prosperity possible.
OSCAR DE LAS SALAS, 56, BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT EXECUTIVE, GENSLER
Being a good man today means more than strength or success — it means sharing your confidence with others, holding space for kindness, and recognizing the struggles others are going through. It’s about being accountable — not only for your own words and actions, but also for the environment you help create. When something is said or done that lacks respect, value, or relevance, a good man speaks up or acts, especially when it benefits the greater good. It requires constant reflection on the presence we bring, the messages we send, and the actions we take. The outdated image of the stoic, stubborn, dominant man — once idolized — is no more. Today’s good man rejects performative masculinity that chases validation through force or bravado. Ultimately, being a good man is a practice. It calls for humility, accountability, and love — not just toward others, but toward ourselves, too.
KEVIN ANDERSON, 46, OWNER, THE OFFICE SALON
To me, being a good man comes down to showing up and being there for your people on every level — emotionally, physically, and spiritually. When you consistently show up, you become a reliable foundation for the people in your life. It’s about showing strength through caring and understanding, not aggression and control.
GIO OSSO, 53, CHEF/OWNER, VIRTÙ HOSPITALITY
A good man tries to follow in the footsteps of greatness while equally working to lead by example for his children. A good man isn’t afraid of his masculinity and tries not to submit to the pressures of today’s social media-driven world, standing up for what he believes is right, even if it goes against popular or mainstream ideologies.
DAVID TYDA, 49, OWNER, BARCOA AGAVERIA
I don’t think about being a good man as much as I think about being a good human. I’ve managed to maintain happiness by doing what I love for work, which is less about the actual products we sell and more about creating inclusive, welcoming spaces. I believe this whole trend of toxic masculinity is rooted in that age-old “us/them” dynamic. What a fallacy. There is no “them.” That’s a boogie-man-in-the-woods myth that’s meant to divide us. So, I guess a good man recognizes that as a human, your place in the world is to spread love and create fulfilling connections.
VALENTINO GANGI, 67, RETIRED FROM THE FOOD PROCESSING INDUSTRY
A good man is a person of integrity — someone who is reliable and does what he says he will do. In his dealings with people, a good man is honest, trustworthy, and has regard for others’ welfare. He helps neighbors and friends when he can. He is generous, gives from the heart, and loves openly. In a good man, what you see is what you get.
