BY JENNIFER & JOHN BURKHART
The Four R’s of Recycling
Let me ask you something. As a person who obviously cares about the environment, how do you feel when you have to sort through six layers of packaging in a box 10 times the size of that one Amazon item you ordered? Or when someone says they don’t believe in climate change? How about when our government decides to deregulate industries that are harmful to the environment? Did you answer with ‘angry’? Good! Come right this way — we have something for you.
She Said: We tried something very outside of our normal wheel house this month — a “Rage Room.” Yes, you read that right, a Rage Room. A place where you can go to get all that frustration and anger out by smashing inanimate objects into tiny bits. Oh, Rage Room. Where have you been all my life? I’m convinced that if we had more places like this, there’d be a lot more Bruce Banners than Hulks around town. This experience was a fantastic way to release stress! There we were, geared to the gills with overalls, thick gloves and a helmet with a face shield and ear cuffs. Our “rage ranger” gave us the safety run-down, our crates of doomed glassware, and pointed out the Bluetooth speaker to blast our favorite rage rock. We eyed our arsenal: a metal little league baseball bat, a sledgehammer, and a crowbar. The latter two were heavy and perfect for thick glass mugs and wine jugs, but my weapon of choice was the baseball bat. I’ve swung many times at a softball but never Mason jars or tequila bottles. That first swing at a quart-size jar completely obliterated it, blasting glittering shards all over the room. It was exhilarating! I squealed and hopped up and down with glee, because honestly, when else will I get the green light to Hulk smash all the things? I had a blast catering to my intrusive thoughts, taking a crowbar to wine bottles and throwing plates at the bullseye on the wall. Besides stress relief, this gives new meaning to the phrase, “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle”! All of the broken electronics and glass are picked up by recycling companies to reduce landfill waste and give new life to these materials. What a fun process! Can I recycle all my breakables this way from now on?
He Said: Got fired? Smash. Got dumped? Smash! Whatever He you’ve been bottling up over the years, you can get it out by smashing bottles at the Rage Room. We arrived eager and early to sign waivers and get the mayhem started. We dawned masked safety helmets, gloves, and jumpsuits. I got prisoner orange and Jen got plumber blue. I put on a rage-inducing music playlist and got all riled up. I yelled something like, “They made me work on my day off!” and swung a crowbar through my first glass bottle. After that it was just a blur of curse words and broken bits. But afterwards, I felt like I’d left some of those tough feelings behind. I can hear you talking to your magazine right now. You’re asking how this is even a tiny bit eco-friendly. Don’t get mad — I’ll explain. This particular rage room sources all of its breakables second-hand. Glass bottles come from bars and other items make their way there from thrift stores. Then they make sure that all of the rage waste gets to the proper recyclers to be made into new things to break. I present to you the new and improved Four R’s of Recycling: Reduce, Reuse, Rage, Recycle.
